Heart Break

I am having a super rough day today. I feel very overwhelmed with life. Being the parent of special needs children with mental illness is very difficult most days but I had such a long time of calm. Until recently my son was so relaxed fun to be around had a wonderful sense of humor and laughed at all my silly jokes and would talk to me all the time and give me hugs....that has been replaced with a child that does not like to talk or be touched and is angry all the time. I know somewhere in there my sweetheart is there. I know that as he gets older he will change but this is from medication and the drs will not listen. I feel so lost and defeated today. It is just so difficult. I do not have the right words to express how I am feeling. I wish that I could help him.....It is beyond sad to lose my best friend. He is my first born my only son and I feel like I am losing the real him. I know that this can be hard to understand if you do not have a mentally ill child and I hope that you all will be understanding. I do not say these things about him to be mean or hateful. I am saying what my heart feels this pain is tremendous. It breaks my heart to see him lose himself to the illness. He does not want to be this way.