Lammas

Going on with my daily posts I realized next week is a sabbat. I have been so busy and not paying attention. I now hope to have everything together for a meal. I also need to set up my Lammas altar. I have been gathering little things here and there to represent the sabbats. A lot of the things that I have picked up were at thrift stores or dollar tree. I love the ceramic pumpkins that I was able to find. 

I am working on learning more and sharing the things that I learn with others as well. I am also working on adjusting my schedule. Waking up at 3:30 a.m. is rough. But I know that I will get used to it eventually. Lots of coffee and I should be just fine. This morning my little stayed home sleeping, funny how normally her loud energetic antics in the morning drive me crazy. But this morning without her there my ride back home was quiet and boring. Normally I like quiet and boring but I had to stay up late and go get food for today. One of the joys of summer time never enough food. School is happening so fast I can not believe the summer is almost over again. It seems the older the kids get the faster that is seems to go by. Before I know it they will be gone and I will be looking around saying where did all that time go.

I have to go see my counselor today. I am not looking forward to it. I never am. I am curious to see how things will work now that I am no longer going for my littles. They were discharged from the program having completed it. I have been going on the intention at least on my part to work through all my issues from the past. Well, all that has been going on so far is going in telling how the kids are behaving. I did not realize that was all I was there for. I was under the impression it was to work through the traumas I have been through. But that is a whole different subject for another day.

I wonder if we are ever able to let go of the things we have been through. I have the hardest time letting go of past abuse. I just can not seem to figure out how to work past all of it. I hope one day to be able to figure that out. I am going to stop here as I have now gotten onto a whole different subject. 

Back to School

It is crazy how time flies. It is about to be another school year. My middle started band practice today. I remember going to the very same band room for practice and the excitement and the scary parts. It was all new to me and I was absolutely in love with it. I had always wanted to participate in a school activity but was unable to until my mom moved away. She was not for it. My dad did not care as long as I was out of his way.

I am so proud of her for deciding to stick with it. We will see what the other two littles will get into starting this year the youngest wants to be a cheerleader. I hope she sticks with it as well.

It has been chaos here getting ready for school to start. School shopping finding out how things in high school works and all that goes with a new school year.

Loss and Mourning

Today a celebrity took his own life. Normally it would just be a passing oh that is a shame and on with my life I would go. Today an artist that was a part of the worst times of my life has passed. Chester Bennington took his own life. I am deeply saddened by the loss. He was one of my favorite singers since my teens. He and his bandmates are my son's favorite band. He has loved them his entire life. 

(Not my photo)

To know that someone that has an abundance in his life of people that loved and cared for him yet he still felt alone enough to end his life. To know that he did not feel that there was any other choice but to end his life is I think what is bothering me more than anything. Mental illness, depression runs deeply in my life and families life. It is a scary thing to live with and to know that people that you love more than anything can feel this pain. There are not enough words that I know to express my sadness for this loss and the need to remind others of suicide awareness. Please if you are feeling this way talk to someone, anyone.  

Pagan Mom Life

Being a Pagan parent to kids who do not follow the path can be very interesting. I respect the fact they have beliefs different than my own. It should always be that way in my opinion.

Recently my middle child had a friend over who had never been here before. Well before anyone new comes over I always put away my altar and books. I do not want to freak them out just yet. I had actually had to make a trip the ER and did not get that taken down before she arrived. I was not feeling my best and was just kind of here. When I realized that I had forgotten, I was worried she had seen it and quickly put it away well most of it. I always keep out my crystals.

The rest of the time the company was here I just waited for the bottom to fall out. Thankfully it did not and all is well at least as far as I know it is. Some days being in the broom closet can be difficult. But for the most part, I like it that way due to the fact that I do not have to answer any silly questions or deal with the drama that comes with being out in the open in the south. That my dears are a whole nother blog post if you ask me. 

Living with the anxiety and the depression I experience and now the new diagnosis of Inflammatory Arthritis is a challenge enough. I do not want to deal with the everyday ignorance of people who do not embrace others differences of opinion or lifestyle. The older I get the less I care about others opinions. I keep things to myself mostly just to make it easier on my littles. They deserve a fair chance of people getting to know them without thinking of what I am or what I do first. Though in this small town mentality it is quite difficult for people to be open about anything. Soon we will be shopping for school clothes and supplies and school life will begin again. I will be shuttling my middle little to and from band practice and life will carry on. I wonder how many of their friends will think I am the strange mom. The thought of it makes me chuckle as I drink my coffee this morning. 

I did receive some good news yesterday that I would like to share. A very dear friend of mine has decided to come back to paganism after a time away. I am looking forward to working with him in the future and a couple of others as well. I have only been a solitary for many years. My best friend and I have done some workings together but it is not often. Working in a group will be interesting. I just hope that my social anxiety does not get the better of me. On that note, I will end this. Have a Magickal Day.....I know I will