It has been quite a time. I have really regressed with coming out of the fog of my depression. I have had a rough time. We recently lost one of our furkids and it was very hard on me. I have been with him since the day he was born and it was really hard. It broke the kid's hearts. I do not care for the holidays as much as I used to. I have had a hard time with not being with my parents this year. I know it is for the best. That still does not make it any easier. I do not want to subject my middle to the ugly that would be put out towards her for her coming out. As her mom, it is my job to protect her from that kind of thing even if it is family.
Beyond that, I have just been going through the motions every day. I lost a huge part of my social circle yesterday. I have two friends here that i see in person but the rest are online. I rubbed one of them the wrong way unintentionally and she completely removed me from a community that I worked hard to contribute to and to be a part of as a friend. I trusted her and thought of her as a close friend. But she has proven to not be any of that. It saddens me that people can not even have a conversation with an adult there are only butthurt temper tantrums. So now I am working to create my own community of trusted people. I do not understand why when someone knows that you are going through a very difficult rough patch that you warned them about they think it is ok to just shit on you. No matter what if you are a true friend when you know someone is spiraling downhill you should be there even if it is to say hello and nothing else. I have withdrawn from many conversations and made it clear I was having a hard time. I feel like a facebook group is not the be all to end all in my life. I have three kiddos and a household to run. Facebook is second to my life. I can not forgo my responsibilities to be on there posting and all that. This woman spends her time trying to force those who helped to keep her group interesting to post what she wanted when she wanted and made it like a job that you are obligated to post when she says. When I joined the admin team I was all about it and it gave me something to do to pass the time during the day around my chores and such. I had a lot of ideas for activities and events. But I did not want to be obligated to do these things on my own they were just suggestions. I had suggested a Yule card exchange but was unable to send mine out due to two vet visits and all that and explained so. Well, as a result, she was very angry with me and said that I failed to keep up my end of the deal.
This has turned into a rant and I did not want that. I am going to end here and go smudge myself and let go of this.
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